21st C Parenting: Connecting with Kids in the Age of Digital Disconnectedness

Rising to the challenge of parenting digital natives – a term commonly used to describe a generation of children who have never known a world without digital technologies – inherently means that we, as digital immigrants, have some important work to do. As a crucial first step, we need to both familiarize ourselves and then keep up with technology. After all, the responsibility falls squarely on us to help our children learn good judgment and how to responsibly navigate the rapidly changing digital world.

With the new year and new resolutions right around the corner, I figured this was as good a time as any for us all to commit to doing a better job of setting appropriate limits for the use of technology in our everyday lives – both for our children and for ourselves. After all, in today’s digitally connected world, taking a few key steps toward disconnecting can actually go a long way towards helping families become and stay more closely connected.

The following are some tips to get you started in what I hope brings you and your family a happy, healthy and technologically harmonious 2014.

Make time for face time. Today’s digital invasion of childhood is raising serious concerns, as clearly evidenced by this year’s recent recipient of the TOADY Award. This annual dishonor, given to the toy deemed most oppressive and/or destructive to young children, was bestowed upon a digital potty seat designed to allow potty-training toddlers to remain connected to their screens. For infants, young children and teens alike, face time – not the kind you can ask Siri to set up for you on your iPhone but real, in-person face time – is critically important to their social-emotional development. For infants and young children in particular, this means resisting the temptation of replacing human interaction with iPad potty seats and app-loaded infant seats (yes – this too is an actual product that also understandably ignited a virtual firestorm of digital debate). What you can do instead is powerfully simple – read books, talk, sing, make eye contact. And while you’re certainly not alone if you’ve made a habit of texting your ‘tween or teen, or emailing your spouse as the most reliable way of communicating, remember that at all ages, nothing compares to in-person, face-to-face conversations.

Take a tech-timeout. Another big concern when it comes to technology’s pervasiveness in our children’s everyday lives is that it takes away any time for boredom. While I am well aware that that may seem a particularly appealing attribute when you’re busy, stressed or just hoping for some peace and quiet at the end of a long day or start of a long trip, you may want to think again. The problem with the constant and chronic use of tech toys as boredom-busters is that boredom has long been recognized as playing a key role in fostering creativity, resourcefulness, and innovation. So what’s a parent to do? Be sure to establish times and places when cell phones need to be put away and screens need to be turned off to allow your children’s creative juices to start flowing.

Vacation planning. For anyone with holiday travel plans, or planning any travel for that matter, take a moment to consider why it is you’re traveling in the first place. Visiting friends or relatives, perhaps. Setting out to see new sights. Or simply spending time together as a family. Regardless of the reason, the fact of the matter is that cell phones, tablets, TVs and/or computer screens all have the uncanny ability to keep kids from looking up, looking out of the window, making eye contact, or – simply put – connecting with the world around them. In other words, technology (it’s non-essential use, that is) can sabotage your best-laid vacation plans. My suggestion? Plan to leave any unnecessary cell phones and other digital distractions at home. While your children may well protest at first, have a little faith. With very little practice, they’re sure to find alternative, meaningful, tech-free ways to enjoy the vacation as a result.

Declare the dinner table a tech-free zone. As the parent of three teens, I will be the first to admit that this is easier to write than it is to enforce. Nevertheless, it’s absolutely worth rising to the challenge of establishing the dinner table as a tech-free zone. With no buzzes, no rings, no emails, texts or tweets allowed, your chances for meaningful conversations with your children increase considerably – whether you have toddlers, tweens or teens.

And with that, I will leave you with my best wishes for a very happy holidays. In the spirit of both the holidays and of practicing what I preach, I now intend to shut down the computer, turn off my cell phone, turn on some holiday music, and go spend some quality time playing our family’s favorite board game (Settlers of Catan) with my kids.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Feeding Your Baby: Tips for Successful Breastfeeding

For anyone entering parenthood today, you’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “breast is best,” and for good reason. That’s because there are simply no substitutes that rival the invaluable health benefits of breast milk, which explains why the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends feeding babies breast milk exclusively for the first 6 months, and as long as possible – ideally throughout the first year. Yet according to the CDC’s 2013 Breastfeeding Report Card, while nearly 4 out of 5 new moms start breastfeeding, only half are still doing so at 6 months, and fewer still – only about twenty-five percent – continue throughout the full first year.

As with so many aspects of parenthood, it has been my experience that it’s one thing to know what to do, and altogether another to know how do it. In the case of breastfeeding, the fact of the matter is that what’s “natural” doesn’t always come naturally. Too many moms are caught off guard by this and quit early because they don’t have the support they need. In other words, they mistakenly think they’re failing when they’re really not. That’s why I think it’s so important to share the following breastfeeding insights and practical tips, as they can really help to increase the odds of breastfeeding success.

  • Catching on to latching on. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if at first your baby doesn’t succeed. Some babies are born with the ability to latch on to the breast correctly right from the start, but others really benefit from some hands-on training before they catch on to this all-important skill.
  • Be sure to send out an SOS (in Search out Support)! Anyone who’s ever done it knows breastfeeding can be time-consuming, tiring, or – if we’re being honest with ourselves – even downright demanding. Breastfeeding moms should always remember to ask for support – whether it’s in the form of a helping hand at the hospital, help tending to baby’s other night-time needs, or to fend off any feelings of isolation or frustration.
  • Remember it’s a matter of supply and demand. Fussy babies often fool moms into believing their milk supply is inadequate. Instead of simply assuming that extra fussing and/or frequent nursing are sure-fire signs of breastfeeding failure, it helps to first understand how the concept of supply and demand applies. Whether in the earliest days of breastfeeding or in the weeks after settling in to a predictable nursing routine, fussing and acting hungry is how babies communicate their growing “demands” so that they can successfully increase the milk supply. If you have any concerns, always remember to check-in with your pediatrician to make sure that everything is on track.
  • Get comfortable. This not only includes finding a comfortable feeding position that works for you and your baby – whether it’s a cradle hold, a football hold, or laying side-by-side – but also becoming comfortable with breastfeeding in general. The ability to find a comfortable position, feel adequately covered-up, and nurse in public and/or on-the-go all serve to make breastfeeding a more enjoyable experience.
  • Don’t get too irritated. Be aware that there are some mild irritations that can show up during the first few days of breastfeeding – most notably some nipple irritation and uterine cramping – but tend to go away within days. After that, remember to be on the lookout for and seek medical advice throughout your breastfeeding months for the onset of any new irritations in order to keep blisters, cracks, blocked milk ducts, or mastitis (breast infection) from getting in the way of an otherwise painless and enjoyable breastfeeding experience.3
  • And finally – remember that breast milk each day really can help keep the doctor away. Not that I am in any way advocating the avoidance of your pediatrician, since a close partnership with your pediatrician and regular checkups are key to your baby’s health. Rather, I find it is both empowering and motivating to finish any discussion of breastfeeding with a reminder that breastfeeding is a great investment in your baby’s overall health – one that not only provides them with the ideal food, but also lots of other health benefits and plenty of opportunity for shared bonding time.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska