School-Readiness: Send Kindergarteners to School with These Key Social and Emotional Skills

Originally posted on my US News & World Report parenting blog (Aug 3)

FOR ALL PARENTS OF soon-to-be kindergarteners, by now, you’re well-acquainted with all the work that goes into preparing a child for school. Kindergarten readiness has long been associated with the ABCs and 123s, and understandably so. Mastering skills such as being able to count and recite the alphabet, and knowing one’s shapes and colors all serve to lay a strong foundation for reading, writing and arithmetic.

That said, it’s worth noting that an ability to develop and maintain relationships has recently been added to this list of so-called IQ skills. Its addition makes clear that social and emotional skills, along with several other skills often misleadingly described as “soft” and “non-cognitive,” are now being acknowledged as critical when it comes to school readiness.

Honing the ability to focus and pay attention, be a good listener, share, take turns and play nice with others may seem like common sense. Yet these types of “other” skills are now collectively being recognized to be of equal, if not greater importance, than IQ skills by everyone from educators, pediatricians and neuroscientists to economists, entrepreneurs and business leaders.

With that in mind, it’s important as the new school year begins that parents integrate teaching kids what I like to refer to as QI (think positive “life force”) skills as well, while helping them develop as students. This is something that you’ll want to do, of course, not just before their first day, but as they continue to grow and develop, both in the classroom and outside of it. Here’s a breakdown of QI skills – which I’ve also outlined in my book “The Toddler Brain” and my children’s book, “Jumping Into Kindergarten you’ll want to be sure to encourage and cultivate: ….

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Books and Young Children – 5 Reasons You Should Read Aloud to Your Kids

Originally posted on my US News & World Report parenting blog (Aug 17)

WHAT IF I WERE TO START this blog post with the phrase, “In a great green room…,” ask you what the brown bear sees, or simply inquire as to what very hungry caterpillars eat? I’m willing to bet that most of you, as parents (not to mention grandparents, child care providers and early educators), would be able to finish the sentence and answer the questions without pause.

I imagine that for many of you, these ever-so-simple references would likely also conjure up the colorful images and happy memories that tend to go hand in hand with reading such beloved children’s books as Margaret Wise Brown’s, “Goodnight Moon;” or “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” written by Bill Martin, Jr. and illustrated by Eric Carle; and “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” written and illustrated by Carle. Yet all too often, I find that discussions about early literacy move away from what we all know and love about the experience of reading aloud with young children, and towards the more literal, academic advantages. That includes getting kids familiar with “sight words” – or commonly used words kids are encouraged to memorize, or know on sight; teaching them the sounds of letters; and all of the various other nuts and bolts of learning to read.

That’s not to say efforts focused on promoting early literacy and helping young children make the necessary connections between sounds, letters and words are without benefit. After all, learning to read affords children the ability to spend the rest of their lives reading to learn. There is no question that reading aloud with young children can facilitate their learning their ABCs and help set them up for reading and life success.

Read more….

Parenting & TED: Key Parenting Takeaways From the TED2017 Conference

Originally posted on my US News & World Report parenting blog (May 5, 2017)

AS ONE OF ONLY A FEW pediatricians at last week’s TED2017 conference in Vancouver, British Columbia, I want to let you in on a little secret I’m fairly sure most parents and conference attendees don’t know: The TED conference is actually a parentingconference.

Sure, influential people from around the globe gather to hear thought-provoking talks delivered on “the world’s largest stage.” But when you get right down to it, the 90-plus carefully curated talks collectively paint a picture of the world in which our children will live.

It is this glimpse into what the future holds for our kids that makes TED especially relevant to parents. Whether you’re the world’s greatest female athlete sharing thoughts on becoming a parent (as Serena Williams did), or a parent on the go, what unites us is our shared hopes and dreams for our children. The legacy we leave will depend on how well we prepare our children to live healthy, meaningful and productive lives in a rapidly changing, complex world. This makes parents the people most in need of knowing the direction in which the world is headed. Ironically, we are also the least likely to have enough spare time to watch a 15-minute video online. That’s why I’m so compelled to share a handful of key parenting takeaways from TED2017…

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Back-to-School Parenting: Addressing Common Ailments

It’s that time of year again, when prepared parents get a head start on supply shopping while our children eagerly pick out new backpacks in anticipation of the rapidly approaching return to school. As both a parent and a pediatrician, I’ve found that this is the time when it’s also useful to arm oneself with information about some of the more common ailments and health-related challenges of the season.

What first comes to mind, in addition to the annual scramble to get school physicals and sports forms signed (a necessary and important pre-requisite for getting the school year off to a good start), are the not-so-eagerly anticipated maladies that predictably show up each fall. While children predictably share everything from strep throat, pinkeye, and common cold viruses to dreaded head lice – I’ve found that it’s the back-to-school headaches and stomach aches that have a way of leaving parents scratching their heads wondering which ones warrant being taken seriously.

When it comes to stomachaches, parents often find it difficult to determine which ones are “real,” and which are simply the result of not wanting to go to school. By “real,” most parents are thinking of the stomach-flu type illnesses that often cause symptoms like fever, vomiting and/or diarrhea. It’s important for parents to understand, however, that stomach aches not attributable to a virus or other medical cause can still be quite real. Stress-related stomachaches in school-age children are actually quite common and often said to be the equivalent of headaches in adults. Even if the underlying cause is due to a child’s stress or desire not to attend school, very “real” symptoms (such as vomiting and diarrhea, but not fever) can result, and it’s worthwhile trying to identify and address the underlying cause(s).

Similarly, the appearance of headaches can often cause parents to question whether they are serious or simply related to new school year nerves. When it comes to getting a head start on school-year headaches, as well as stomachaches, it’s always important to consider when they first start (after the first day of school? or during the family’s eagerly anticipated summer vacation?), when they occur (first thing in the morning? Or after a long day of reading and/or computer use?), how bad are they (do they make your child stop doing even those things they really enjoy? Or only get in the way of chores and going to school?) And what makes them better or worse.

There are common medical explanations – the eye strain and/or the yet-identified need for glasses, or the onset of seasonal allergies, for example – but it’s equally important to enlist your child’s doctor if you need help sorting out stress-related causes of headaches and/or stomach aches, as the resulting symptoms can be just as “real,” and addressing them just as important.

Getting a handle on these school-time ailments, as well remembering to help ensure your children get a good night’s sleep and eat a good breakfast, will go a very long ways towards making this a more enjoyable and productive school year.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Arming teachers with what they really need…pencils, books, and healthy, school-ready children!

There’s no ignoring it. The topic is everywhere. Our country is engaged in a national debate about gun control, and in many cases, whether or not we should arm our teachers. I certainly have concerns about putting guns in closer proximity to our children, since the absence of guns from their homes and communities has been proven the most effective way of preventing firearm-related injuries within this age group. And while the conversation about gun control is long overdue, I feel compelled to point out that there is a more important discussion when it comes to arming teachers.

Far less controversial and already proven “arms” exist, and we actually know a lot about what works when it comes to ensuring our children stay safe and healthy while at school. Here are a few ideas.

Books. Helping children grow up with a love of reading in a literacy-rich environment is crucial for their future success and well being. Every educator and pediatrician I’ve met agrees – children must spend their first few years of school learning to read in order to spend the rest of their lives reading to learn. The sad fact is that far too many child care settings and elementary schools lack the books (or the budget) needed to make this happen. And Omaha is not immune to this problem.

Breakfast. As the co-author of Food Fights, a book that offers solutions to kid-related nutritional challenges, it should come as no surprise that I believe that good nutrition (all day every day) is essential for kids (and adults, for that matter). It’s needed for good physical health, concentration and the ability to learn. The fact of the matter is, hungry children simply don’t learn as well as others. So it’s time to ask the tough questions: How do we provide all children, especially those who are disadvantaged, with a nutritious breakfast?

School nurses and other health professionals. Our health and ability to learn are inextricably intertwined, especially in our children’s earliest years. Unfortunately, budget cuts often leave our schools with little, if any, access to a school nurse or other health professional. Even fewer child care centers have this much-needed access, despite the existence of clear justification for these health consultants.

Vaccines and other germ-fighting tools. Making sure children and teachers are fully vaccinated is so important. This also means insuring measures are in place to limit the spread of infection and missed school days. We need to arm our teachers not only with the paper and pencils, but with vaccinated children, cleaning supplies and disinfecting procedures. Access to hand washing sinks, soap, hand sanitizer, bleach water and/or disinfecting wipes are small investments that can yield big returns.

Children who are ready-to-learn. Key words here: when they enter kindergarten. We have irrefutable evidence that proves investing in early childhood and a strong foundation is hugely important for safety, health and lifelong well being. We also know this foundation must be laid in the earliest years of a child’s life – well before he or she enters kindergarten. That’s why efforts such as First Five Nebraska and Educare are so crucial.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Starfish & Mittens: Helping Teach Our Children Kindness and Empathy

As you are probably well aware, my focus is and always has been on kids, parenting, and families. Quite often – whether in the books I write or at my childcare center – this translates into helping parents better understand, educate, and guide children towards happier, healthier futures.

Today is no different. In fact, I was halfway done writing my Live Well Nebraska blog in honor of National Children’s Dental Health Month, a topic I truly believe should be hugely important for all parents – perhaps more so than many are even aware.

As is often the case when I’ve promised myself I’m not going to be distracted while writing, however, I’ve found myself distracted. As soon as I opened my web browser with what I swear was for work purposes only, I saw a top-of-the-page CNN video entitled Children of the Trash Dump. These kind of titles always lure me in, and I’ve never been able to keep from clicking on the links and watching the videos. When I do, it inevitably solidifies my desire to do more to improve the lives of children and their families. Today, my conviction was made stronger than ever.

You see, I’m fresh on the heels of a very powerful trip to S. Africa, during which I had the opportunity to tour the makeshift shantytown of Dunoon just outside of Cape Town, where I witnessed firsthand both the terrible poverty and incredible resilience of its women and children. I left there more determined than ever to do something. I imagine watching CNN’s story about the plight of Vietnamese children living on a trash dump and at great risk of falling prey to child trafficking may have nearly the same effect on some of you.

The question that often arises, however, is what can one really do to tackle such a huge problem or even make a dent in such desperate situations as poverty, child trafficking or illiteracy. In the case of S. Africa, I joined about fifteen other members of the Global Hygiene Council to see firsthand the incredible power of teaching basic handwashing. Sure, I talk about handwashing all the time, and yes – we teach the students at my childcare center this basic life skill on a daily basis. But calling it a “life skill” has a way of taking on a very different meaning when one is teaching handwashing in a community with little running water and barely able to scrape together the dollar per week it costs to buy one’s family a bar of soap.

The hopeful news in Dunoon is that the four-year handwashing study conducted in the face of both poverty and health illiteracy yielded very promising results – on the order of reducing diarrheal illness by 30-50 percent! Those results would be great even here in Omaha, where parents inevitably are plagued by diarrheal illness and fret over the accompanying need to keep their children from becoming dehydrated. Now consider the fact that diarrheal disease worldwide is one of the leading causes of death for children . That’s why I’m now dead serious about finding a way to donate to the Dunoon community as much soap as I can get my hands on (along with books and beads). If you’re interested in helping me make this happen, by all means let me know.

But back to the children in Vietnam. The “hope” part of the story promised in the video’s promo is based on one woman’s vision to set up a non-profit to fight trafficking in Vietnam. This small organization is currently educating 200 of these poorest-of-the poor girls in hopes of giving them a chance for a better future and a better likelihood of avoiding predatory child traffickers. The visionary founder interviewed in the segment not only refers to the hugely important focus on “saving” girls through education, but also touches on the importance of improving the community’s reported illiteracy level from it’s staggering 99+ percent.

Let me just say that I couldn’t be more touched, or more in agreement. I thoroughly agree that education and literacy is fundamentally important and the key to helping people out of poverty and lead more successful lives. I’ve also become increasingly convinced with the notion that the education and empowerment of girls is absolutely key to solving not only poverty, but quite honestly – a good many of the world’s problems.

If you don’t believe me, then maybe you’ll believe Oprah. Or Hillary or Bill Clinton. Or pretty much anyone who has ever read Nicholas Kristof’s powerful book Half the Sky. Those who read it are likely to be permanently changed in the way they view the importance of girls, ready to join this global movement, and all but insist that everyone needs to read this book.

And finally – I am a huge believer in the power of doing something over nothing. You may have heard the anecdote of the boy and the starfish. It goes like this: a man and a boy are walking on a beach littered with washed-up starfish. Boy picks up starfish and throws it back in the ocean. Man sees this and applies the all-too-common viewpoint when he tells the boy that there are far too many washed up starfish to possibly save them all. Boy responds, “Well, I made a huge difference to that one.”  I love this story. I try to live by it. Clearly, so do the people whose far nobler efforts are recounted in Kristof’s book and CNN’s poignant video. The point is, every human being counts, and each and every one of us can do something to help those less fortunate than ourselves.

At Primrose, my teachers have t-shirts that state, “No matter how big or small, we all stand to make a difference in the world.” My husband and I were convinced to move to Omaha nine years ago in large part because we believe that here in Omaha, we are not alone in our belief that teaching even our youngest children to be involved in the community and help others is fundamental. And our Helping Hands curriculum isn’t just about the actual dollar amount the kids raise to donate, or about how many mittens, books or cans of food they collect “for kids who don’t have them” (although I’ll tell you that I couldn’t be more proud of the students for their selfless and impressive accomplishments). It’s that they’re learning the lifelong lesson that we really can make a difference if we all just take whatever opportunity we have to throw starfish back into the ocean.

With that said, I hope all of you will consider what you might do. Start big or start small. Think globally or act locally. Get your kids involved and I promise, the world will be a better place for it.

On that note, I’ll get back to writing about getting kids to brush their teeth. After all, teeth are really important too. And even pink princess toothbrushes can play a part in the grand scheme of oral health promotion.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

I admit it – I do well with resolutions. I truly believe that people tend to accomplish more when they have a set goal in mind. I personally love to rise to a challenge, and find that setting a formal (and preferably public) goal definitely has a way of bringing out one’s competitive nature.

So when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, I have to say I’m a believer. As someone dedicated to promoting health and safety year-round, I obviously think it’s important to set goals throughout the year. But if ushering in a new year happens to give you an increased sense of motivation, then by all means, run with it because now is the perfect time to shift gears from helping your children create holiday wishlists to helping them (and you) focus on setting some realistic family goals that are sure to deliver on the promise of an even happier, healthier 2012.

Okay, so what’s the best way to figure out what one’s family goals should be? While each of your family members’ individual resolutions can be customized according to age, ability, and circumstance, I figured it might be helpful to get you started by offering you some simple family-friendly resolutions – you know, those completely do-able resolutions that don’t seem nearly as challenging as, say, signing up for a gym membership in January only to lack the willpower come March to make use of it. Or running a marathon. While there’s nothing wrong with either of those resolutions (I’ve made them both myself in years past), there’s nothing wrong with first reaching for the “low-hanging fruit” resolutions that are sure to give your family both a sense of accomplishment and a big bang for your buck when it comes to improved healthy, safety and well-being.

–       Walk more. That’s right, walk more. Around the block, to the grocery store, with friends, on the treadmill – wherever and whenever you can. Running is fine, too. But if that seems a bit daunting or impractical, the important thing for kids and adults alike is to be more active in 2012. As someone who just placed my own order for a FitBit, let me add that if you and/or your children are more likely to put their best foot forward with a concrete goal (or a cool new gadget), then using a pedometer may prove to be just what it takes to get up and get going.

–       Sleep more. You see – I told you these resolutions would be attainable, if not downright desirable. I mean, who doesn’t want to sleep more? But as a pediatrician married to a surgeon and therefore accustomed to dealing with the demands of both professional schedules and with the many sleep-related challenges of parenthood, I fully understand why most of us simply don’t get enough sleep. I have also become increasingly impressed with how important sleep is to one’s overall health. So whether it’s an improved bedtime routine for babies or toddlers, taking/keeping the TV set out of your child’s bedroom, keeping tabs on your teenager’s sleep habits or simply placing more value on your own sleep needs – I strongly recommend it.

–       Read more. Daily, whenever possible. Not just for work, not just when your kids are required to, but for fun. Read aloud to your kids. Read quietly alongside them.  Make a point of reading the newspaper. Encourage your tweens or teens to start reading it too. Read on paper or in any electronic form you choose. Regardless of what angle you take, resolving to read more will enrich your family’s new year.

–       Drink more. Water, that is. Just back from a recent trip to NY where I discussed water as a key aspect of health, hydration, and tackling the obesity epidemic with a wide range of magazine editors, I decided to toss it in my resolution list. It’s not just because I think drinking more water is the one and only solution to better health, but because it strikes me as such an easy one once you and your family set your minds to it. The goal in encouraging more water consumption in large part actually relates to getting everyone (kids and parents alike) to drink less soda, less juice, and less sugary liquids in general. If your family is not in the water-drinking habit, consider committing to milk with meals and water with snacks, and making water more appealing by filtering it (typically tastes better), bottling it (re-usable water bottles are both convenient and better for the environment), or simply adding some natural flavor (a wedge of lemon/lime or even a slice of cucumber!).

–       Engage more. Social networking now seems to be the key to everything from successful weight loss to professional success. Yet one of the things we risk in what is sure to be an increasingly wired (or wireless) 2012 is the lack of meaningful, personal engagement with others in our community. That’s why I firmly believe that all families should set a goal of teaching their children to more actively engage and become contributing members of society. Taking some lessons from the Helping Hands curriculum at my child care center, this can be as simple yet meaningful as having even very young children visit the Humane Society or a local retirement home; send letters of thanks to those serving in the military; and/or collect mittens, books, pennies, diapers, coats or cans of food for those less fortunate. Whatever you choose, remember that one of the most powerful lessons we stand to teach our children (and live by ourselves) is that it is our meaningful connection with others that brings the most happiness.

–       Laugh more. At yourself, with your kids….the point is that while resolutions can be a good way to improve one’s health, it’s just as important to make sure that stress doesn’t get the best of you. I’ve found the best way to do this is to remember to laugh, and always remind yourself of how fortunate you are to have your family, your friends, your health, and the gift of another year.

On that note, I want to take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy, healthy and accomplished new year. I’ll look forward to sharing 2012 with you and everyone in the Live Well Nebraska community.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Parenting News Flash: TV Under 2 isn’t exactly educational

Recent advice from the country’s largest advocacy group for children leaves me concerned that what I’m about to write is going to be met with poor reception. Following extensive review of more than 50 research studies, the American Academy of Pediatrics released its October 2011 Policy Statement: Media Use by Children Younger Than 2 Years. I would like to think that all parents of young children tuned in, but for those of you who missed it – here are some of the highlights.

First, let’s start with a few facts about the current state of our children’s media diet. A full 90 percent of parents report (admit?) that their children under the age of 2 watch some form of electronic media – on average consuming 1 to 2 hours of television a day. For 1 in 7 of these young children, we’re talking 2 or more hours a day of media. By age 3, nearly one-third of our nation’s youngest have televisions in their own bedrooms. While these numbers may not be entirely surprising, given the ubiquitous nature of ipads, iphones, ipods, computers, laptops and TVs, they should nevertheless be disturbing given what we know about the potential effects of screen time for babies and toddlers.

There are several important questions we all should now be asking before taking even one more baby step towards the TV set.

  • Are infant- and toddler-directed programs educational?
  • Is there any harm in letting babies and toddlers watch TV (and other screens)?
  • What is “secondhand TV” and why should I care?

Let’s start with the question of educational value. In the words of my pediatric colleague (and the lead author of the policy statement) Dr. Ari Brown, the phrase “educational TV/videos for children under two” is an oxymoron. That’s because in order for anything to be educational, children need to “get it.” This inherently involves understanding both the content and the context. Given that young children have been shown to fundamentally lack the ability to distinguish between programs shown backwards from those shown forwards, one would be hard pressed to suggest educational benefit from watching. Sure these TV-viewing infants and toddlers laughed at viewings in both directions – suggesting some entertainment value – but entertainment does not equal education.

That’s not to say that there’s no such thing as educational television, or that educational television can’t be entertaining. Studies have actually shown proven educational benefit for children over the age of two from quality shows such as Sesame Street. It’s just that if you happen to be one of the majority of parents who have been led to believe (most likely by extensive explicit and/or implicit marketing) that TV programs and/or videos are going to enhance your baby or toddler’s intellect, you need to tune into the fact that it’s simply not.

Okay, so screen time isn’t the answer to making your baby smarter. What about those parents who readily admit they use the TV (and various other screens) as a sure-fire reprieve from entertaining their babies/toddlers just long enough to make dinner, take a shower, make a phone call….you know – all those things that just about all parents of young children struggle to find time to do in the day. I get that, and readily admit that TV did, on occasion, get used as a babysitter in my own household.

But the fact of the matter is that there are several key concerns regarding the time toddler and infants spend in front of screens, not the least of which involve language development. We already see expressive language delays in the short term. And the fact that we don’t yet know for sure about screen time’s long-term effects on language should not rule it out. In the meantime, there is a valid concern that screen time interferes with “talk time” – especially given findings such as the fact that 84 percent of parents talk less when the TV is on, and 74 percent use fewer new words. This is huge, considering that we’re talking about the most crucial time for language development.

There’s also reason to worry about the quality of sleep our children are getting. While most studies thus far have looked at media effects on older children, we know that healthy sleep habits impact just about every other aspect of all children’s health. Remember that a reported 30 percent of kids under 3 have TVs in their bedrooms. We clearly need to tune in to the possibility that their sleep may be suffering as a result.

Even during our children’s waking hours, the time that babies and toddlers spend in front of screens may simply not be time well spent. Not if it ends up displacing reading, playing, and entertaining oneself. We know that free play is hugely important for young children’s development, as are 3-dimensional, real world interactions with parents and other caregivers.

I would imagine with all of that, many of you may now be tempted to adjust your child’s media diet just a bit – and that’s great. But before you simply commit to eliminating an episode or two of toddler TV from your child’s daily viewing schedule or limit how often your baby watches his admittedly captivating video, don’t forget to take into account your own viewing schedule. That’s right – the evidence presented by the AAP is equally worthy of your attention when it comes to having your own shows on in the background. In other words, as parents we also need to take into account what is now being referred to as “secondhand TV” – an unintended exposure that is occurring in an estimated 40 to 60 percent of households across America. While parents may report “the TV is on but no-one is watching,” the fact of the matter is that someone is watching. Someone, as in our children. One study found that young children playing in a room shifted their gaze to the television that was left on in the background three times every minute!

So with that news flash, what’s a parent to do? Pediatricians fully understand that screens are everywhere, and it is entirely unrealistic to avoid exposing young children 100% of the time. But it is well worth your time to acknowledge that in many instances, there are better things for them to do to help them learn and develop. The AAP recommends the following strategies for making this happen.

  • Set media limits for children under two, bearing in mind that the AAP discourages media use for this age child.
  • Opt for supervised independent play rather than screen time to occupy your child when you aren’t able to sit down and actively engage in play. A simple set of nesting plastic cups on the floor can work wonders for engaging toddlers while their parents prepare dinner.
  • Keep TVs out of all children’s bedrooms
  • Recognize that your own media use can have a negative effect on your children. Help your child avoid secondhand TV exposure.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Childhood By the Numbers: Helping Parents Count on Fostering Their Children’s Healthy Development

I admit that I sometimes (often) sit down to my computer to get work done while at the same time leaving the TV playing in the background. It was in this context that I recently overheard a discussion on one of the national morning news shows about how numbers can define women – most notably numbers that pertain to one’s age and weight. Without paying too much additional attention to the ensuing conversation, the idea nevertheless spurred me to write a blog on the subject. In part, that’s because I think it’s a fairly sad statement on our society when someone’s weight and waistline does more to define them than their skills and accomplishments. But that’s a topic for another day.

For now, I thought I’d take this interesting concept and take a closer (and hopefully more uplifting and lighthearted) look at how various numbers have a way of defining several stage of childhood.

Newborns by the numbers. Even the instant newborns make their appearance in the outside world, many run the risk of being defined by the number of hours of labor they subjected their mothers to. That said, newborns also start out being largely defined by their birth weight – which is more often than not included in announcing a baby’s arrival. I feel compelled to note that the accompanying but often-neglected length and head circumference measurements may seem of less immediate interest to proud parents, but they’re actually of equal importance.

And then, of course, there’s the number of diapers, the numbers of hours of sleep (or lack thereof), and the numbers of daily feedings that make up the bulk of a new baby’s day. These numbers are unarguably important, but I like to remind new parents that it’s good to make sure that these numbers don’t count for more than they’re worth. After all, getting to know and love your newborn goes well beyond a singular focus on numbers.

First year figures. What often wins out in the most noticeable numbers category for infants is simply the number of times you’re likely to call and/or visit your doctor, if for no other reason than the first colds, first fevers, and first (and many subsequent) shots that typically take place during this first fun-filled year. That said, don’t let these numbers scare you. Having numerous questions is to be expected, it’s a great time to take advantage of the frequent contact to establish a healthy relationship with your pediatrician, and the five to seven well-visits (along with their associated vaccinations) and any necessary sick-visits will all serve as an integral part of insuring your child’s health and well-being , not to mention your confidence as a parent.

Toddlerhood by numbers. Toddlerhood is all about numbers. Numbers of words, number of steps, numbers of teeth, and making the celebrated association between one’s age and one’s finger count as evidenced by the skill of holding up two finger to proudly answer the commonly asked question, “How many years (or fingers) are you?” Of course this age may also unfortunately give rise to keeping count of how many times one bites ones friends before learning to curb this normal but socially unacceptable impulse. While it can be painful to live through for everyone involved, toddlers usually overcome this impulse within a matter of weeks to months.

Keeping Count for Preschoolers. Number one and number two come immediately to mind, as three is the typical age at which children master the life skill of putting their pee (number one) and poop (number two) in the potty. While using the potty is a frequent focus of the age, this is also a time when children start to figure out (please note that as the owner of a child care center as well as a pediatrician, I said start, not necessarily master) social skills involved with interacting with, playing with, and negotiating with an increasing number of friends.

Kindergarten counts. At this age, the number of new crayons in the box (with the more the better) and the number of wheels on ones bike (the fewer the better) endearingly add up to quite a lot in the world view of a kindergartener (and more than a few early elementary age children as well!).

I could keep counting, but for the sake of space and time I won’t, except to fast forward to the age at which children start middle school. I can tell you from recent parental personal experience that an impressive amount of effort (and sometimes anxiety) is directed towards remembering the numbers associated with ones newly assigned locker combination, as well as the added challenge of finding ones way to a larger number of classes in a larger number of classrooms.

There are obviously plenty more numbers that relate to each of the ages and stages of early childhood. I’m just glad that for the most part, they all generally add up to fun, meaningful, and important aspects of an healthy childhood.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Helping Children Cope: What Parents Can Do In the Wake of Another School Shooting

My children and I took our first trip to India over the holidays, accompanying my U.S.-born husband who hadn’t been back to visit relatives in over 20 years. The trip was eye-opening. We traveled all over India – making our way through big cities and tiny villages as we visited relatives and introduced our children to a world very different from the one they know.

On the sixteen-and-a-half hour flight back from Delhi to Chicago, my husband and I discussed how we sincerely hoped that the 3-week experience would help shape how our children see the world. We wanted them to never take for granted what they’ve got in the relative safety and security of their lives in Omaha.

Arriving back in the U.S. early Thursday morning, I dutifully called my mother to let her know that we had made it back safe and sound. Even though I’m now in my 40’s with a family of my own, my mother all but sits by the phone waiting for me to call and let her know that I’m okay. It was she who first told me what had happened at Millard South High School. I quickly thought about whether I knew anyone involved. I then selfishly reflected on how fortunate I was that my own three children – all Millard students – were out of harms way and with me at the time of the school shooting. No – my oldest won’t start high school until next year and she won’t be at Millard South, but I was nevertheless grateful that she and her brothers didn’t even have to experience the ensuing lockdown that I’m told had Millard students under desks and in the dark until the threat had passed.

And then I couldn’t help but turn my thoughts to the actual events of the day and what it must have been like to have been there. To be the parent of a Millard South student on the first day of school after the holiday break. To be the principal or the assistant principal. And yes – even, what it must be like to be the parents of the student responsible for the devastation.

I’m sure many of you must have reacted the same way. The reason I’m so sure is that in a certain sense, I’ve dealt with this sort of tragedy before. Not at Columbine (although my family did move to that area only shortly after the country’s worst high school massacre), or at any of the handful of other school shootings that have taken place over the past several years. My experience in helping parents (including myself) cope with this sort of threat to our children’s (and our own) sense of safety dates back to 2001.

You see, at the time of the reported terrorist attacks that destroyed the World Trade Center towers, a section of the Pentagon, and thousands of lives, I was the pediatrician responsible for content creation at a prominent national parenting media company. With a sincere desire to do anything I could to help parents in the wake of the attack, I sat down and wrote an article on the morning of September 11th entitled Helping Your Children Cope with the News of Reported Terrorist Attacks.

As I sat down this morning to figure out what I should write about the Millard South shooting that would be of any help or comfort, my September 11th article kept coming to mind. While the advice I offered back then was in response to a tragic event of unprecedented and enormous proportions, the sad fact is that in the minds of children, violence is violence regardless of the scope.

At it’s core, the following advice adapted from what I first wrote in 2001 applies every bit as well to violence in 2011, and will hopefully provide parents with several things they can do to comfort their children and help them make some sense out of senseless tragedy.

Personal safety. Any time senseless tragedy occurs, it’s important to offer immediate reassurance in any way possible – starting with the reassurance that your own family and friends are okay.

Routine. I have always believed that a predictable routine and consistency are important in helping children feel safe in their world. Never is this truer than in the context of tragedy. When our core sense of security is shaken, maintaining regular routines such as going to school and work may seem disrespectful, insignificant or difficult, but they give children (and adults) back some sense of structure and security.

Details and distance. One of the most striking aspects of the aftermath of September 11th was the intense media coverage. Without officially counting, I must have literally seen the planes crash into the twin towers a thousand times. The fact of the matter is that its human nature to watch. While I was on the other side of the world the day of the Millard South shooting, I’m sure that the coverage was (understandably) intense. As a parent, it’s especially important to also understand, however, that young children who repeatedly witness the news coverage of a shocking event are likely to be left feeling frightened and confused and may even feel like they’re re-living the experience. In this day and age of 24 hour media coverage, this is as good a time as any to turn off the television, at least when young children are around.

Someone is in charge. One of the fundamental aspects of raising children who feel safe and secure in their world is providing them with a sense that there are people in authority making sure that everyone is going to be safe. While a school shooting inevitably threatens our own parental sense of security, it’s helpful to focus your child’s attention (and your own) on what is being done to keep your child safe. Despite last Wednesday’s shooting, school remains one of the safest places your child can be.

Perspective. Despite the fact that I provide parenting advice for a living, I have yet to figure out how to explain the need to maintain perspective without seeming to minimize the tragedy for those involved. While its important for all of us who weren’t directly related to or involved in the school shooting at Millard South to remind ourselves that the overwhelming majority of schools across the country are safe (just as we had to remind ourselves on September 11th, 2001 that almost all planes and buildings were still completely safe), I can’t bring myself to say it without acknowledging that this provides no solace to students, friends, colleagues and family of Assistant Principal Vicki Kaspar. I only wish there was something more I could say that would help.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska