School-Readiness: Send Kindergarteners to School with These Key Social and Emotional Skills

Originally posted on my US News & World Report parenting blog (Aug 3)

FOR ALL PARENTS OF soon-to-be kindergarteners, by now, you’re well-acquainted with all the work that goes into preparing a child for school. Kindergarten readiness has long been associated with the ABCs and 123s, and understandably so. Mastering skills such as being able to count and recite the alphabet, and knowing one’s shapes and colors all serve to lay a strong foundation for reading, writing and arithmetic.

That said, it’s worth noting that an ability to develop and maintain relationships has recently been added to this list of so-called IQ skills. Its addition makes clear that social and emotional skills, along with several other skills often misleadingly described as “soft” and “non-cognitive,” are now being acknowledged as critical when it comes to school readiness.

Honing the ability to focus and pay attention, be a good listener, share, take turns and play nice with others may seem like common sense. Yet these types of “other” skills are now collectively being recognized to be of equal, if not greater importance, than IQ skills by everyone from educators, pediatricians and neuroscientists to economists, entrepreneurs and business leaders.

With that in mind, it’s important as the new school year begins that parents integrate teaching kids what I like to refer to as QI (think positive “life force”) skills as well, while helping them develop as students. This is something that you’ll want to do, of course, not just before their first day, but as they continue to grow and develop, both in the classroom and outside of it. Here’s a breakdown of QI skills – which I’ve also outlined in my book “The Toddler Brain” and my children’s book, “Jumping Into Kindergarten you’ll want to be sure to encourage and cultivate: ….

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Biting: What To Do When Toddlers Bite

Originally posted on my US News & World Report parenting blog (Dec 11)

A CONCERNED MOTHER recently reached out to a large virtual support group of fellow moms to seek advice regarding a distressing incident involving her young child. She described all sorts of challenges that commonly face working moms today, from the adjustment involved in heading back to work to all-important considerations regarding child care. But at the heart of this particular discussion was a subject that I have long found to be of universal interest to parents and others who take care of young kids: biting.

The virtual response this mom got to her tale of woe was impressive: Hundreds of other moms weighed in, sharing their own biting experiences, insights and frustrations. As I’ve found over several decades interacting with young children and their caregivers, biting can become the bane of a parent’s existence – whether you’re upset your child has been bitten, or the frustrated parent of a biter.

To tackle this issue, I’ve found it most useful for everyone involved to step away from the particular situation at hand – at least for a moment – and start with a clear understanding of what biting does, and doesn’t, represent.

The best way I’ve found to explain it is that biting happens to be the least socially acceptable of all of the predictable and developmentally normal behaviors of early childhood. The thought of one child trying to take a bite out of another child has come to be perceived as far more distasteful than, say, hitting, pinching, pushing, kicking, shrieking or any of a whole host of less-than-desirable toddler behaviors. There’s something about the discovery of a human bite mark on one’s child that parents find especially disturbing. However, a young child’s predilection to bite both friends and foes isn’t abnormal.

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Books and Young Children – 5 Reasons You Should Read Aloud to Your Kids

Originally posted on my US News & World Report parenting blog (Aug 17)

WHAT IF I WERE TO START this blog post with the phrase, “In a great green room…,” ask you what the brown bear sees, or simply inquire as to what very hungry caterpillars eat? I’m willing to bet that most of you, as parents (not to mention grandparents, child care providers and early educators), would be able to finish the sentence and answer the questions without pause.

I imagine that for many of you, these ever-so-simple references would likely also conjure up the colorful images and happy memories that tend to go hand in hand with reading such beloved children’s books as Margaret Wise Brown’s, “Goodnight Moon;” or “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” written by Bill Martin, Jr. and illustrated by Eric Carle; and “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” written and illustrated by Carle. Yet all too often, I find that discussions about early literacy move away from what we all know and love about the experience of reading aloud with young children, and towards the more literal, academic advantages. That includes getting kids familiar with “sight words” – or commonly used words kids are encouraged to memorize, or know on sight; teaching them the sounds of letters; and all of the various other nuts and bolts of learning to read.

That’s not to say efforts focused on promoting early literacy and helping young children make the necessary connections between sounds, letters and words are without benefit. After all, learning to read affords children the ability to spend the rest of their lives reading to learn. There is no question that reading aloud with young children can facilitate their learning their ABCs and help set them up for reading and life success.

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Childhood By the Numbers: Helping Parents Count on Fostering Their Children’s Healthy Development

I admit that I sometimes (often) sit down to my computer to get work done while at the same time leaving the TV playing in the background. It was in this context that I recently overheard a discussion on one of the national morning news shows about how numbers can define women – most notably numbers that pertain to one’s age and weight. Without paying too much additional attention to the ensuing conversation, the idea nevertheless spurred me to write a blog on the subject. In part, that’s because I think it’s a fairly sad statement on our society when someone’s weight and waistline does more to define them than their skills and accomplishments. But that’s a topic for another day.

For now, I thought I’d take this interesting concept and take a closer (and hopefully more uplifting and lighthearted) look at how various numbers have a way of defining several stage of childhood.

Newborns by the numbers. Even the instant newborns make their appearance in the outside world, many run the risk of being defined by the number of hours of labor they subjected their mothers to. That said, newborns also start out being largely defined by their birth weight – which is more often than not included in announcing a baby’s arrival. I feel compelled to note that the accompanying but often-neglected length and head circumference measurements may seem of less immediate interest to proud parents, but they’re actually of equal importance.

And then, of course, there’s the number of diapers, the numbers of hours of sleep (or lack thereof), and the numbers of daily feedings that make up the bulk of a new baby’s day. These numbers are unarguably important, but I like to remind new parents that it’s good to make sure that these numbers don’t count for more than they’re worth. After all, getting to know and love your newborn goes well beyond a singular focus on numbers.

First year figures. What often wins out in the most noticeable numbers category for infants is simply the number of times you’re likely to call and/or visit your doctor, if for no other reason than the first colds, first fevers, and first (and many subsequent) shots that typically take place during this first fun-filled year. That said, don’t let these numbers scare you. Having numerous questions is to be expected, it’s a great time to take advantage of the frequent contact to establish a healthy relationship with your pediatrician, and the five to seven well-visits (along with their associated vaccinations) and any necessary sick-visits will all serve as an integral part of insuring your child’s health and well-being , not to mention your confidence as a parent.

Toddlerhood by numbers. Toddlerhood is all about numbers. Numbers of words, number of steps, numbers of teeth, and making the celebrated association between one’s age and one’s finger count as evidenced by the skill of holding up two finger to proudly answer the commonly asked question, “How many years (or fingers) are you?” Of course this age may also unfortunately give rise to keeping count of how many times one bites ones friends before learning to curb this normal but socially unacceptable impulse. While it can be painful to live through for everyone involved, toddlers usually overcome this impulse within a matter of weeks to months.

Keeping Count for Preschoolers. Number one and number two come immediately to mind, as three is the typical age at which children master the life skill of putting their pee (number one) and poop (number two) in the potty. While using the potty is a frequent focus of the age, this is also a time when children start to figure out (please note that as the owner of a child care center as well as a pediatrician, I said start, not necessarily master) social skills involved with interacting with, playing with, and negotiating with an increasing number of friends.

Kindergarten counts. At this age, the number of new crayons in the box (with the more the better) and the number of wheels on ones bike (the fewer the better) endearingly add up to quite a lot in the world view of a kindergartener (and more than a few early elementary age children as well!).

I could keep counting, but for the sake of space and time I won’t, except to fast forward to the age at which children start middle school. I can tell you from recent parental personal experience that an impressive amount of effort (and sometimes anxiety) is directed towards remembering the numbers associated with ones newly assigned locker combination, as well as the added challenge of finding ones way to a larger number of classes in a larger number of classrooms.

There are obviously plenty more numbers that relate to each of the ages and stages of early childhood. I’m just glad that for the most part, they all generally add up to fun, meaningful, and important aspects of an healthy childhood.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska