Helping Children Cope: What Parents Can Do In the Wake of Another School Shooting

My children and I took our first trip to India over the holidays, accompanying my U.S.-born husband who hadn’t been back to visit relatives in over 20 years. The trip was eye-opening. We traveled all over India – making our way through big cities and tiny villages as we visited relatives and introduced our children to a world very different from the one they know.

On the sixteen-and-a-half hour flight back from Delhi to Chicago, my husband and I discussed how we sincerely hoped that the 3-week experience would help shape how our children see the world. We wanted them to never take for granted what they’ve got in the relative safety and security of their lives in Omaha.

Arriving back in the U.S. early Thursday morning, I dutifully called my mother to let her know that we had made it back safe and sound. Even though I’m now in my 40’s with a family of my own, my mother all but sits by the phone waiting for me to call and let her know that I’m okay. It was she who first told me what had happened at Millard South High School. I quickly thought about whether I knew anyone involved. I then selfishly reflected on how fortunate I was that my own three children – all Millard students – were out of harms way and with me at the time of the school shooting. No – my oldest won’t start high school until next year and she won’t be at Millard South, but I was nevertheless grateful that she and her brothers didn’t even have to experience the ensuing lockdown that I’m told had Millard students under desks and in the dark until the threat had passed.

And then I couldn’t help but turn my thoughts to the actual events of the day and what it must have been like to have been there. To be the parent of a Millard South student on the first day of school after the holiday break. To be the principal or the assistant principal. And yes – even, what it must be like to be the parents of the student responsible for the devastation.

I’m sure many of you must have reacted the same way. The reason I’m so sure is that in a certain sense, I’ve dealt with this sort of tragedy before. Not at Columbine (although my family did move to that area only shortly after the country’s worst high school massacre), or at any of the handful of other school shootings that have taken place over the past several years. My experience in helping parents (including myself) cope with this sort of threat to our children’s (and our own) sense of safety dates back to 2001.

You see, at the time of the reported terrorist attacks that destroyed the World Trade Center towers, a section of the Pentagon, and thousands of lives, I was the pediatrician responsible for content creation at a prominent national parenting media company. With a sincere desire to do anything I could to help parents in the wake of the attack, I sat down and wrote an article on the morning of September 11th entitled Helping Your Children Cope with the News of Reported Terrorist Attacks.

As I sat down this morning to figure out what I should write about the Millard South shooting that would be of any help or comfort, my September 11th article kept coming to mind. While the advice I offered back then was in response to a tragic event of unprecedented and enormous proportions, the sad fact is that in the minds of children, violence is violence regardless of the scope.

At it’s core, the following advice adapted from what I first wrote in 2001 applies every bit as well to violence in 2011, and will hopefully provide parents with several things they can do to comfort their children and help them make some sense out of senseless tragedy.

Personal safety. Any time senseless tragedy occurs, it’s important to offer immediate reassurance in any way possible – starting with the reassurance that your own family and friends are okay.

Routine. I have always believed that a predictable routine and consistency are important in helping children feel safe in their world. Never is this truer than in the context of tragedy. When our core sense of security is shaken, maintaining regular routines such as going to school and work may seem disrespectful, insignificant or difficult, but they give children (and adults) back some sense of structure and security.

Details and distance. One of the most striking aspects of the aftermath of September 11th was the intense media coverage. Without officially counting, I must have literally seen the planes crash into the twin towers a thousand times. The fact of the matter is that its human nature to watch. While I was on the other side of the world the day of the Millard South shooting, I’m sure that the coverage was (understandably) intense. As a parent, it’s especially important to also understand, however, that young children who repeatedly witness the news coverage of a shocking event are likely to be left feeling frightened and confused and may even feel like they’re re-living the experience. In this day and age of 24 hour media coverage, this is as good a time as any to turn off the television, at least when young children are around.

Someone is in charge. One of the fundamental aspects of raising children who feel safe and secure in their world is providing them with a sense that there are people in authority making sure that everyone is going to be safe. While a school shooting inevitably threatens our own parental sense of security, it’s helpful to focus your child’s attention (and your own) on what is being done to keep your child safe. Despite last Wednesday’s shooting, school remains one of the safest places your child can be.

Perspective. Despite the fact that I provide parenting advice for a living, I have yet to figure out how to explain the need to maintain perspective without seeming to minimize the tragedy for those involved. While its important for all of us who weren’t directly related to or involved in the school shooting at Millard South to remind ourselves that the overwhelming majority of schools across the country are safe (just as we had to remind ourselves on September 11th, 2001 that almost all planes and buildings were still completely safe), I can’t bring myself to say it without acknowledging that this provides no solace to students, friends, colleagues and family of Assistant Principal Vicki Kaspar. I only wish there was something more I could say that would help.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Giving Thanks: Things the Whole Family Can be Thankful For

I bought my turkey this past weekend. Not only did I buy it, but I even took a moment to think about how thankful I am for it. Sure I’m thankful because I love turkey, but also simply because I am fortunate enough to be able to afford a turkey. As a parent, I know full well that taking a simple weekend task like grocery shopping and turning it into a shared reflection on what our family has to be thankful for is likely to lead to some eye-rolling from my tween- and teenage children.

But the fact of the matter is that there’s no better time than the present (i.e. Thanksgiving week) to take a few moments – whether waiting in line at the grocery store or gathered with family and friends around the Thanksgiving table – and reflect on those things in your life for which you’re truly thankful. While trips to Disneyland, ipods, and the latest greatest toddler toys will understandably spring to mind first, I suggest you challenge your children, and yourself, to dig deeper. As a pediatrician and parent, I figured I’d get you started by sharing some of my own, all-too often taken for granted things to be thankful for.

Breathing through your nose. Spoken like a true pediatrician, right? But years of tending to snotty nose colds (my own, my children’s, and others’) has taught me that it’s hard to take time to stop and smell the roses if you can’t breath through your nose. You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not. Just think how many times your child’s (or your own) stuffy nose cold has kept you up at night and caused you misery. Instead of being frustrated by the annual average 6-10 colds that kids catch each year and the fact that we still don’t have a cure for the common cold, I suggest that we all remember to be grateful for each day that we wake up healthy.

Shots. I figure while we’re on the subject of waking up healthy, I’d take this opportunity to give my thanks to modern medicine and all of the medical pioneers that have given us vaccines. No, I’m not a huge fan of needles, and neither are my children. But I have such a healthy respect for the dreadful diseases we are now able to prevent by simply making sure that our children’s (and our own) immunizations are up-to-date that I count each and every shot a blessing, needles and all.

Car Seats. As someone who had 3 kids in just over 3 years – the youngest of whom only just outgrew the need for a car seat at age 10 – I am certainly aware of the parental challenges inherent in the purchasing, installing, and juggling of car seats, especially during holiday travel season. Yet despite having spent every day of the past 10 years overseeing the use of numerous seats of my own, I’m exceedingly grateful for the fact that car seats even exist, much less that they are so incredibly effective in protecting kids from harm. With nothing more important than my children’s health and safety, car seats (and all those who contribute to making sure that children are secured safely) deserve my thanks.

Cell Phones. Yes, I do have tween- and teenage children of my own. And yes, I do face the daily parental challenge posed by a world now dominated by texting tots and teens and threatened by everything from cyberbullying to sexting. But having just returned from a mobile health summit in Washington DC, I am now very, very grateful for cell phones. World thought leaders the likes of Bill Gates, Director of the National Institutes of Health Francis Collins, and the president of the Rockefeller Foundation joined over 2500 attendees from around the world who all share the belief that cell phone technology is the tool by which we will be able to reach the world’s poorest and provide them with access to better health.

Here in the United States, innovative programs like text4baby are making use of the ubiquitous nature of cell phones to put valuable health information and access to local resources right at the fingertips of pregnant women and new moms.

While I will absolutely not be thankful for any cell phones that make their way to my family’s Thanksgiving table, I will nevertheless be grateful that they exist, not just to make my life easier, but improve the health and well-being of those less fortunate than me.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

Coughs, Kids & Vaccines: Why parents are the key to silencing the sounds of pertussis!

You really don’t have to listen very hard to hear the sounds of the season – the rustling of fall leaves, the weekend cheers of husker fans, and lawnmowers out for one last run before being swapped out for snow blowers. But if you ask me, the most noticeable sounds this time of year are all of the coughs, sniffles and sneezes that predictably make their annual show of force during cold and flu season. For parents and pediatricians alike, these are familiar sounds that we learn to live with and treat as needed. This year, however, we are hearing a lot more than usual about another sound – a sound for which we should all be listening carefully: the sound of pertussis.

Perhaps you’ve heard of pertussis – also commonly referred to as whooping cough – from your pediatrician. Some of you may remember reading about it each time you received the standard set of vaccine information sheets describing each of your child’s scheduled immunizations, since the DTaP (the “P” part referring to pertussis) vaccine is routinely given.

Chances are that if you’ve been following the national news lately, however, you may have also heard that there’s a pertussis outbreak in California. In the world of infectious diseases, let me assure you that California isn’t very far away from Nebraska, and this outbreak is not just another news story about an isolated incident hundreds of miles away. The spread of pertussis in California is, in fact, proving to be the worst outbreak in 60 years, having already claimed the lives of 10 infants under the age of 3 months. If that’s not a reason to stop and take notice, I don’t know what is.

The fact of the matter is that pertussis is caused by one of the most contagious bacteria we know. The infection can start out seeming like a common cold, but over the course of a couple of weeks manifests itself as an escalating cough which then turns into coughing episodes sometimes severe enough to result in vomiting or the characteristic “whoop” sound that represents the dramatic effort to draw air back into the lungs.

While adults typically experience weeks (if not months) of a cough that just won’t go away, they don’t often “whoop” like kids do. Neither do babies under 6 months of age – a fact that increases their risk of life-threatening illness or death at a time when they can’t yet be vaccinated (under 2 months) or haven’t developed full immunity (under 6 months of age). Unable to draw air back into their lungs, babies may gasp, gag, or simply stop breathing altogether – making them the most vulnerable at a time when they are also the most at risk.

As someone committed to helping insure the health and well-being of all children, I’ve therefore pulled together some very important facts about whooping cough, who is at risk, and what each of us can do to prevent the spread of pertussis in hopes that we protect all of Nebraska’s children and adults against a sound you never want to hear at any time of the year….the sound of a young child with pertussis.

Make sure your child is up to date on his/her shots. DTap is recommended at 2, 4, 6 and 15-18 months, and again at 4-6 years. The best time to get your child protected against pertussis is the first day your child becomes eligible for each recommended immunization.

Get your adult tetanus booster. Immunity to whooping cough doesn’t last forever. Any adult (or teen) who doesn’t remember getting a pertussis booster shot, or hasn’t had one since they were immunized as a child needs to get vaccinated. The fact of the matter is that babies too young to be protected by the vaccine rely solely on all of us to not expose them. Sadly, an estimated 3 out of every 4 babies with life-threatening pertussis infection got it from a loved one. Prevent this from happening by rolling up your own sleeves, getting an adult booster shot, and doing your part to limit the spread of pertussis.

Be on the lookout for pertussis and contact your doctor or your child’s pediatrician with any concerns. It’s all too easy to mistake pertussis for the common cold at the outset of the infection, and while people are contagious for up to a month, antibiotics are of little benefit after the first week or so. Half of babies with whooping cough end up needing to be hospitalized.

Listen to the sound of pertussis. If my blog hasn’t already convinced you, or you simply want more information, watch my recent pertussis-focused CNN interview with Kiran Chetry on American Morning, go to www.soundsofpertussis.com and let Jeff Gordon of NASCAR fame convince you, or simply listen to what a baby with pertussis sounds like .

Now let’s all commit to doing everything we possibly can to silence the sounds of pertussis.

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska

The Importance of Early Literacy: Why We Need to Commit to Closing Nebraska’s Reading Gap

I recently learned the results of Nebraska’s first statewide reading assessment. I must admit that the test itself didn’t actually catch my attention until I received my own children’s scores in the mail. As a long-standing early literacy advocate and someone who read literally tens of thousands of pages aloud to my children even before they could read for themselves, I am proud to report that all three scored very well.

Unfortunately, I find it difficult to celebrate my own children’s reading success in light of how the rest of our state’s children scored. Sure, results released in August revealed that nearly 70 percent of Nebraska’s third through eighth grade and 11th grade public school students scored in a range that met or exceeded expectations, but that 70 percent doesn’t tell the whole story.

Last Friday, Joe Dejka and Paul Goodsell shared the rest of the story with Omaha World Herald readers in their article, Reading gap called troubling. In it, they paint a much more dismal picture, simply by offering a more detailed look at the test results: Fewer than half of Nebraska’s Hispanic, black and American Indian students can read proficiently – a number that is in stark contrast to the three out of four white students taking the same test. When poverty was factored into the equation, low-income students also were found to have scored significantly lower than their more well-to-do classmates (on the order of 53 percent compared to 80 percent, respectively).

So why should you or I find the results of Nebraska’s first statewide reading assessment so distressing? In addition to the obvious racial, ethnic and socio-economic disparities, the fact of the matter is that the ability to read matters. A lot. Learning to read, learning to love to read, and the ability to read well all play a fundamentally key role in children’s future school and life success. In fact, it is often said that children spend the first several years learning to read, and the rest of their lives reading to learn. Yet Nebraska is not the only state with a reading gap, as an estimated 34% of American children enter kindergarten without even the basic language skills needed to learn to read, and fewer than half of parents read to their young children daily.

Now for the good news: we already know what works when it comes to preparing America’s youngest children to succeed in school, thanks in no small part to the efforts of Reach Out and Read. By partnering with doctors who prescribe developmentally-appropriate books, encourage families to read together beginning at birth, and advise parents about the importance of reading aloud – this national non-profit organization now offers us all an effective, evidence-based model that reaches nearly 4 million children each year, with a particular focus on those living in poverty.

As a pediatrician who had the good fortune to train with one of the founders of Reach Out and Read nearly two decades ago and has championed the cause ever since, I hope you’ll not only commit to helping your own children learn to love to read, but also commit to helping close Nebraska’s reading gap.

The following are a few simple but important Reach Out and Read tips to help get all children started on the path to lifelong learning and success:

  • Host a book-themed baby shower.
  • Make reading books to your child a part of your daily routine.
  • Make reading fun: hold your child on your lap when you read stories together, point to the pictures, let your toddler fill in the ends of your sentences, and be willing to read the same book (or page) over and over again.
  • Ask your two-year old questions about the story.
  • Relate what you read to your child’s own experiences.
  • Visit reachoutandread.org to find out more about the developmental milestones of early literacy, recommended book lists, and information about Reach Out and Read programs right here in Nebraska.
  • Consider supporting organizations such as Reach Out and Read and play a role in helping all children reach their full potential.           

Originally posted on Omaha World Herald’s Live Well Nebraska